I'm looking for advice about how to deal with stress and anxiety related to owning a pet. I know this will probably be a bit long, but I would really appreciate anyone who has the time to read it all and offer insight into my issue.
I hear so often how great it is to own a pet, all the health benefits of doing so. I hear about people who say their pet is a family member, or like their sibling or their child. I've never felt that, and I feel like I'm missing out on some key part of the human experience because it's missing from my life. I find myself having trouble owning a pet without feeling tremendous anxiety and stress until I return the pet to their shelter or owner. In the last two years I have tried to adopt three separate cats. Each time, I kept the cat for a few days and then returned it. It was no fault of the cat. There was no abnormal behavior issue. Just typical cat behavior like meowing, clawing, scratching, and hiding that led me to feel overwhelmed.
I've had pets before. Growing up, before the age of 10 or so, I know my family had at least a black lab, a chow, a rottweiler, and a cocker spaniel, all at different times, all starting as either young puppies or less than a year old, as well as many cats. I had very little responsibility in relation to these dogs, and little interaction with them. My family did not have them for long periods, and I'm not sure what happened to them, since it was a few decades ago. They were also outside dogs, because I grew up on a small farm. I've never had a dog in my home. I've never walked a dog on a leash. I've never introduced a dog to other dogs. I've always really liked dogs, and I like being around dogs, but I've never been exposed to that culture of inside family pets. At our home, pets were seen as additional farm animals, dirty, to remain outside.
I feel like I'm scarred or blocked by my last experience. Around ten years ago I tried to finally get my own dog, an Australian shepherd puppy. He was a beautiful dog and I took the training seriously and had a lot of fun with the dog. But around the three-four month mark, he became impossible to deal with. I was working full time and I had an hour commute, so I was gone most of the day. I left him on the farm, in a large kennel area we built for him, while I was gone. But around this point he started to show no interest in me. The second the kennel door was opened, he would start to run, and he would go wild with energy. He was uncontrollable, and it was a really horrible experience. I felt so defeated, and I became so angry with him. He was becoming large, and with his uncontrollable behavior, speed, energy, and fondness for jumping, he was becoming dangerous to others. He would chase cars for miles, every day, and drove our neighbors crazy by being around them all day instead of coming back home once he chased out the first car. Eventually I had to admit that I was unsuited for handling this dog, and found him another home on a larger farm. They swear he is the smartest dog they've ever seen, and he's very happy there. But that just added to my feeling that I'm completely unsuited for owning a dog, that I'm incapable of training a dog correctly.
As I get older and live alone, I find myself lonely and scrolling through animal shelter sites, looking at photos of dogs and cats. I believe I would like to have a dog. But I live in a small apartment now. It's the responsibility of owning a dog that weighs on me and convinces me not to try. I have that recent experience to show me that even when I tried my best to learn and train, I still failed so badly that I could have hurt someone, or gotten the dog hurt. I now realize/feel like owning a dog is a full time job as much as being a parent and raising a child, and I'm surprised so many people take on the challenge. And now that I do have my own place, it's not just the responsibility, but the sheer fear of property damage and dirtiness that also keeps me very wary of taking that plunge again. I know I really enjoy other people's pets. They're so much fun, and they take my attention away every time I'm around them. But for me, thinking about having a pet of my own only gives me fear. I feel like I would just mess up again, and it would be even worse.
Thank you for reading. Any advice would be really appreciated.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/g8va9x/any_advice_for_someone_very_stressed_about_owning/
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