I have posted in this forum a few times with different questions and no responses; I would really appreciate some support or thoughts. I've deleted some of the posts. At this point, I'm thinking of rehoming the cat. I will put my question below if you want to skip the background.
Background: I fostered this cat first, male, 8-9 years old, stray, neutered. When he arrived he seemed to quickly bond with me, just wanted affection wouldn't play. Just rested. I live in a tiny studio (NYC tiny) and let him in the hall at midnight sometimes to give him room to get his energy out. Soon after he started staying with me, my family cat of 16 years started to rapidly decline I had to go back and forth to support rehab for him but the day before we were to euthanize, I was told they were sending the foster to an out of state shelter for adoption in two days.
The family cat ended up dying right before the euthanasia was administered and I prepared to send the foster cat away the next day. I did fight to keep him because I had a strong fear he wouldn't adjust well and was bonded to me but wasn't allowed because everything had been arranged. Putting him in the cage to send him away made him freak out completely. He then traveled out of state to another shelter for quarantine before going to his new family. While up there he lost it. Was hissing at everything and pooping everywhere. The vet couldn't even do a proper work-up on him. They sent him back 3 weeks later and I took him in and adopted him.
Present: Since he has returned he was happy to see me but started acting very out of character with biting and scratching (scratching my face while I was asleep). I let him in the halls for space again but when I tried to stop him from going into someone's apt he kept attacking me (as in jumped on me and bit and scratched me) before I picked him up and put him back in my apt. He hasn't been allowed out since. It's been back and forth with improvements (too much detail). Each time things look better he gets easily triggered and has a setback. It got to the point where I was afraid to sleep because he would persistently scratch my face while I slept. I purchased CBD creme and he hasn't had anymore aggressive attacks the last few days but seems miserable. Disconnected. I think our bond is broken.
I ask people for guidance and they tell me things about how to reduce his stress but at this point, I question if he is feeling stressed. He doesn't hide (in fact he sprawls out in the middle of the floor, sometimes partially upside-down) he plays (that's when he seems happiest), he poops and pees normally, eats and drinks normally (after I stopped giving him temptations treats, which caused anorexic behaviors, I was using for clicker-training). I just think he doesn't like me anymore and that our bond is broken. He only wants affection when he wants me to feed him (or during play). Otherwise, it's like he doesn't want me around.
Question: Is there a way to rebuild that bond? He seems calm and stable now but I think defensive and closed off toward me. If that isn't fixable I'm likely to rehome him as I only took him in because I thought he was bonded to me and I wanted the best for him. I never wanted a permanent cat (my place is toooo small) and a new home with a calmer state may give him a chance at a new start with a different human in a much larger cat appropriate place.
Can this relationship be repaired? He basically walks around all the time slowly with his tail low.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ihd8xt/i_do_need_help/
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