Before you grab your pitchfork, the backstory is not "I irresponsibly adopted a cat and now I don't want it anymore".
TL;DR: I took in an abandoned cat, felt like I was going to try and keep him, but now am taking him to a (no-kill) shelter to be adopted out. I feel horrendous and beyond sad. Sorry the rest of the post is so long, I don't keep a diary so this is where all my feelings are coming out.
Short story long: I have had cats all my life and love them, but never had a cat of my own as I hadn't lived alone until ~4 months ago because of financial struggles. I now live in a ~500 sq. foot apartment in a huge sprawling complex that has an extremely steep non-refundable pet deposit (plus a refundable deposit, plus pet rent) -- and as I said, I've had a lot of financial struggles, so when I moved I made the conscious decision to not get a pet until I was stronger financially and in a more pet-friendly living space.
And then 3 weeks ago I heard some extremely loud meows outside my apartment door. My particular building has an outdoor hallway that is basically all concrete and very echo-y, so I could hear all my neighbors opening their doors and talking -- and I pretty much ignored it because I figured someone's cat had run out and they were trying to corral it back in. Curiosity got the best of me though, and I eventually opened my door, only to find a large tabby leaning up against it meowing, and as soon as I opened the door he walked in. None of the neighbors knew where he came from, so I decided to find out if he had an owner & take care of him since he "chose" me.
He was so immediately personable and loving, jumped on my couch and slept with his head on my lap right away (after scarfing down a ton of water and food, as clearly hadn't had either in a while). He didn't have a chip, and was an 18-month old cat that hadn't even been fixed so we guessed (based on his general behavior, medical-status/appearance, normal 12.5lb weight, etc.) that he'd might have been abandoned a while ago but wasn't a life-long stray.
I got him all vaccinated, cleaned and groomed, got him neutered, etc. etc. -- all while feeling generally stressed and unsure about keeping him because of all the reasons I'd already decided not to get a pet, but also almost feeling like I had to since he came to my door. The emotional conflict between me loving him and wanting to make it work, but also feeling like this wasn't the right situation for me or him continued, but I was attached and was really trying to ignore my hesitancy.
He was super cuddly and sweet most of the time, but also was a little aggressive about food (and once about his litter box). At the time I thought that the lashing out was because he was in pain and couldn't play very much post-op, but once he healed the agitation increased since he had more energy and nowhere to expend it. Anytime I would stand up he'd think he was getting food, he'd sleep next to his bowl, start crying for food the second he finished eating, jump up on the counters/trash can, etc. Though I played with him a lot, and tried to curb his behavior with "time-outs" in my bedroom and an automatic feeder, he was just bored, and mad about being bored, and that energy would come bursting out at me in the form of him attacking/biting in those moments of his irritation if I was walking around. And like I said, my space is extremely small, so there was really nowhere for me to go to de-escalate the situation without getting more injured (or him feeling more defensive).
I ended up deciding to try and let him roam around outside a little, since that is where he came from, and for about 12 hours thought I had solved my problem. He returned after 4 hours, ate without crying for more food, slept, ate again without being aggressive, and slept all night. But in the end that experiment only re-enforced my original feelings. He needs an actual house/yard with much safer roaming grounds and easy in-and-out access (I can't exactly put a cat-flap door in my rental), and where I live is just not conductive to a safe indoor/outdoor experience -- and even if he should be indoor-only for his general safety, he needs an indoors large enough to run and play, maybe in a house with other pets where he can wrestle and get a lot more stimulation, and in a place that doesn't have the kitchen/living room all in the same room where he thinks every movement leads to food.
If I had gone into this situation with the intention of just fostering him through his neutering/healing I don't think I would be quite as emotionally wrecked, but because I thought he might be able to stay I feel so unbelievably guilty and sad. Every time I look at him I start crying, and though I really do feel like finding him a different home will be better in the long-run, I can't seem to stop beating myself up about it -- hence the insanely long essay to try and process my own feelings on the matter.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/km5bs0/taking_cat_to_shelter_to_adopt_out_tomorrow/
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