This is going to be long and I apologize.
One week ago my husband and I got a sweet 8 week old Goldendoodle puppy. Before we got her I was SO excited. Did all the research, bought all the toys, etc. I am currently laid off due to the Coronavirus so we figured this was an opportune time to train a dog. My husband works LONG hours and 12+.hour days usually but I figured I could handle it. We currently have a 9 year old Rottie that we rescued 3 years ago.
We brought her home and she was a typical puppy. She cried at night and in her crate and needed to be let out often, etc. From the first night I brought her home I never felt so overwhelmed. It didn't help that every time she even got close to our older dog she would growl, snarl and snap at her. My husband ensured me that in time she would adjust to her. Unfortunately the dynamic in our home had my anxiety through the roof. I didn't realize that I wouldn't be able to do anything without her crying for me. I guess I figured I'd at least be able to trust having her loose in the house with me but due to our older dog I felt I needed to supervise them CONSTANTLY. By day 3 I felt that I had made a huge mistake in getting her. My anxiety spiraled out of control and I started worrying about everything with her and how I was worried things were never going to get better. The worst of this was also because I was alone constantly since my husband works so much. I had the worst panic attack I've ever had when I started trying to talk to him about her after only having her 4 days. Don't get me wrong, I read about "puppy blues" and how these feelings were common but I felt so so trapped. My panic attack lasted 3 hours. I tried to carry on as normal as possible with her until another panic attack hit. I had them consistently for 3 days after the first. My husband was stressing and worrying so much about me at work that it was causing him to lose sleep and to call me while working. The last night we had her I had another panic attack. He told me he thought we should return her to the breeder because he can't stand to see me this way. Every time he said it I bawled. I woke up in the morning yesterday and I cried. I held her and I knew I couldn't handle this. My mental state was entirely too fragile to continue for even another few days. We called the breeder and returned her in the morning.
My husband cried when we left her, which I've only seen him do twice. When we got home he sat in our living room in silence and just stared into space. He told me that he wished we could've made it work cause he loved her and felt committed to taking care of her. This made me feel even more awful. The reason I'm writing I guess is to look for anyone who can relate or tell me things get better. When will this HORRIBLE feeling of guilt and depression go away? Did I do the right thing? How can I stop thinking of the what ifs and seeing her all around my house? I've never felt such horrible sadness and I'm having such a hard time coping. Please don't tear me down, I already feel worse enough.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/gakvg4/severe_grief_and_depression_after_giving_puppy/
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