I was in Korea when my golden back in the States had to be put down late 2016 (cancer). She was 15, well loved, and was often my only friend in a very dark and depressing time of my life. I'd do just about anything to have her back.
But I know there were also times I mistreated her, usually in punishing her for doing something wrong (getting into groceries, ripping up a pillow, etc.) It usually involved something my mother showed me - pushing her lip down on top of her tooth.
Please understand that writing out that last sentence just now, knowing people will read it was extremely hard for me. I've been ashamed of it for years.
I'd like to blame it on the fact I was young and impressionable when we got her, and so picked up on however my mother treated her (who loved her to pieces, misses her every day, and often says so in the family chat, just to be clear). I could also blame it on how miserable and toxic I used to be.
But that just feels like making excuses and doesn't make me feel any better.
This has been gnawing at me on a daily basis for years. I cannot get over this feeling I was shitty to her and could have treated her better.
Would really appreciate advice on this. TIA very much
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/bbtqle/how_do_you_handle_guilt_over_having_probably/
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