I think I may have to put my cat down but I feel so guilty

My cat (15 y/o) is hyper-aggressive, arthritic, and has an anxiety disorder. She's always been aggressive but she's just been getting worse as the years go by.

I went to a new vet who recommended various treatments but I've already tried them all (Prozac, pain killers, pheromone dispensers spread throughout the house, special food etc.). The vet says I "did my due diligence" and it's okay and understandable if I choose to put her down. The vet came to this conclussion when I admitted that I was scared of her. The other solution was to put her on gabapentin twice daily, so, drugged up and sleepy 24/7.

Before, her aggression (scratches, bites, hissing) was directed at me if I pet her for too long (she doesn't always do the tail flick/signs that she's annoyed) but otherwise my fam referred to her as "my familiar/deamon" (big His Dark Materials fans). For any other human/animal she had to be provoked (walking too close, trying to touch her).

Now it's like she's out for blood. She seeks out our other cats and attacks them. She'll attack me if I walk past her in the hallway where she likes to sleep. I have to wear kevlar gloves just to put her in her carrier.

I've had her since I was a kid and she's traveled across the world with me. She isn't even that old compared to how long cats have lived in my family (the oldest passed in her sleep at age 23).

I guess I just want to know if/that it's okay. I feel awful, like a monster. I had always hoped that when it was her time she'd just pass peacefully in her sleep but now with her behavior I just dont know. It's true that we just adopted a kitten but this isn't the first new cat in the house, my girl is the oldest of five.

I understand that with illness sometimes euthanasia is necessary yet it feels like I'm just giving up on her.

I'm sorry that this was a bit of a rant but I guess I'm just trying to gather my thoughts and would appreciate input.

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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/n8ez80/i_think_i_may_have_to_put_my_cat_down_but_i_feel/