His name was Shady. He came into my life when I was 15 years old. I'm now 29.
He had a long, happy life. He loved his turkey treats, he loved pets and scritches under the chin. He loved waking my roommate and I up in the morning by sleeping on us like a little claw wielding loaf of bread. When I would wander too far he would come upstairs and find me and try to guide me back to the room with him and my roommate. Late at night, he'd meow at my roommate and I until we came to bed, then he'd sleep. He'd tell us it's bed time.
He was such a sweetheart he refused to kill a bug or a mouse.
He was diagnosed with FIV+ when he was 2 years old. Now, 12-13 years later I feel it took his life. He lived well beyond his life expectancy.
A month ago a rapid decline began. He began to stop eating solid food. He'd lick gravies and treats but would not eat solids. He became increasingly lethargic until we took him to his first vet visit. The vet was concerned with his blood levels, anemia and now marrow. He prescribed prednisone and clindamycin. Neither of these worked. About two weeks later he stopped trying to eat on his own
We took him to another vet and discovered he had otitis. We began treating that, with no results.
The last two weeks of his life make me so regretful I can barely type this.
Week one he tried to eat, drink water and we'd supplement him with baby food and gravies. By week two he stopped trying to eat entirely.
He briefly had an interest in drinking water but it didn't last. His ear infection wasn't going away, he was losing weight to the point of anorexia, meanwhile I was forced to sustain him entirely via syringes of wet food and water. He hated this, he was absolutely miserable. He was getting worse and worse.
Two days ago he had developed a fever of 105 degrees fahrenheit. He started to vomit whenever he would move. He became nauseous and he was overproducing saliva. He became incontinent. He stopped trying to use the litter box entirely.
I contacted emergency vet services yesterday and took him in.
The vet told me that he was so sick he was miserable. He didn't want Shady to leave, he was so bad he felt euthanasia was the route to go.
He informed me treatment would run $3,700 to $5,400, incredibly well out of my means. I was left with losing my baby either route I went. I wanted to end his suffering. He was whimpering, breathing harshly.
Last night, he slept between me and my roommate in bed. He was so out of it. At one point, he looked at me and stared me directly in the eyes for what seemed like forever. He then laid his head down and went to sleep.
First thing today, we woke up to him vomiting mucus, bile and bits of blood. We knew we had to do something. As he woke, he crawled into a box under a shelf and tried to sleep.
We took him back to emergency and made the decision to put him to sleep.
I was a hysterical mess, but we sat on a couch and relaxed with him. Shady was never a lap sitting cat, he was always so anxious, nervous and defensive. Today, he laid on my lap and my roommate's. He had his head on my thigh, drooling as we pet him, but totally suffering.
After awhile of goodbyes, telling him we loved him and petting him, he said goodbye and died on our laps. He looked 10 years younger. I'd realized I hadn't seen Shady look this relaxed for a long time.
My heart is absolutely shattered.
I feel like a murderer. He was suffering, but because of money we couldn't get him proper treatment. We don't even know what he was suffering from. I'm beating myself up so hard for resorting to putting him down, but he was hurting so much.
I wish I had opted for an ultrasound, I just didn't think we could afford it nor could he make it.
I have no answers. I don't know why he was so sick. I don't know how he felt in the end besides hurting. I just know that I couldn't watch him suffer.
3 vet visits and no answers, no treatments. A month of torturing him by force feeding him. My poor little baby died on both mommy's laps and we don't even know why. I feel so, so guilty. I feel like I somehow caused this, like I didn't do enough. I feel like he was medically failed by 3 vets.
I'm so broken, so angry.
I love you so much my baby boy. I hope you're resting easy now. I hope you're enjoying turkey treats and rubs. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/nf1hza/my_baby_boy_was_very_sick_and_we_helped_him_take/
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