So I'm gonna info dump the "backstory" of my cats and hopefully you guys can piece together the puzzle and give advice to help them get along.
Both cats are fixed, and are our only pets.
Gracie, our first cat, was born inside, was abandoned as a kitten and for her first year, grew up as a stray. Fast forward a couple months and she was adopted by our crazy cat lady friend. The other cats would bully her, so she was cooped up in a single bedroom for about a year. Then we adopted her. While being a little standoffish, she was very loving, and she'd cuddle up against one of us at least once per day.
6 months later, we moved to a new apartment. 6 months after, we adopted a new cat, Hux.
Even before adopting Hux, we could both tell Gracie became a little less cuddly after the move. If you approached her, she was always as sweet as a peach, but she'd seldom approach either of us for attention.
We adopted Hux 4 or 5 months after he was born. He grew up inside with a litter of 6 I think, so he was very acclimated to people and other cats. He's extremely cuddly, and if he wants to take a nap, he's probably gonna do it on you.
The way we introduced them was for the first week, we did the "keep them in separate rooms" method. Hux was afraid the first few days but quickly warmed up. Gracie absolutely hated even the thought of him. She hissed at him through the door. Hux did not ever do it back. He eventually started sticking his paw under the door trying to play with her, but she'd always loudly hiss with her ears back and swat at it.
Once we opened the doors, they would constantly fight. We think that Hux saw it as playing because his ears were almost always forward, but Gracie saw it as territorial fights. Any time they fought, her ears always stayed back. The fighting was only ever mild. Neither was hurt, so the only thing we did was stop them when it happened for too long. At first, Gracie would be the one to always start them, but as the months went by, Hux would also start fights and they'd go back and forth on the chase. Also by this time, the fighting went from frequently to just a couple times per day.
Anyone can tell Gracie hates Hux. Every time she walks past him, her ears go back, she speeds up, and she'll usually growl or hiss. Hux on the other hand, doesn't trust Gracie but doesn't seem to hate her either. Yeah, he'll start chasing her every so often, but there's never any real animosity because his ears always stay forward and he's never hissed. Literally every time we feed them, he'll get super excited and rub up against her and she'll respond by getting annoyed and bitting his ear. If Gracie approaches Hux, she'll either start chasing him or lightly swat at his head. Weirdly enough, she'll occasionally, with her ears back, lick his head for a couple seconds but immediately start swatting again.
When it came to interacting with us, Gracie was about the same. She was still super loving and loved being given attention for however long we'd give it to her, but after The Great Huxening, she'd maybe cuddle up to one of us once every other week. We did notice however, that she'd frequently come up to us, let us pet her for a few seconds, and then leave. We think Hux gets jealous if she's getting attention and he's not, because if we're ever petting Gracie and cooing at her, he'll prance right on up and want you to pet him too. Sometimes, he'll go to your opposite hand, but sometimes, he'll get too close to Gracie and she'll growl, bite his ear and then jog away.
A year after adopting Hux, we moved to our current apartment. They seem to be doing a little better (and by they, I mean Gracie), because although they've never been right up against one another, they don't mind sleeping 4 or 6 inches apart (in the last apartment, they had to sleep in two separate rooms). While the fighting happens very very slightly less often now, I'd like them to cut it back even more, and if possible, for them to only play fight.
I just want my kitties to love each other 😠Essay over
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ap19e5/cats_sorta_not_really_get_along/
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