Cat has not warmed up after 1+ yr

Hello, all! (Mobile)

I've run into an issue with my cat not warming up to me, my husband, or our home after over a year of owning her. At first, I ruled it to her getting used to the place. Now, I am unsure if she is just very shy or if there is something I have been doing wrong. For reference, she was turned over to a shelter as a kitten and I do not know of any instances of abuse in her past.

I adopted my cat in late 2017, after months of preparing our home for a cat. I bought all of her essentials, got the food she had at the shelter, chose a non-active (quiet) part of the house to get her used to the place without disturbance, 2 cat boxes in quiet areas, chose high areas to clear off so she can perch and view the world, and gathered a plethora of toys so that she could choose which toy she preferred the most.

She seemed to get along relatively well at first. She allowed me to pick her up instantly at the shelter and seemed to be VERY affectionate and receptive to attention. She quickly took to her toys and used her cat litter box successfully. However, it was like her personality flipped overnight. I have even joked that she was faking being affectionate at the shelter so someone would adopt her. She would hide from me and my husband 90% of the time and would never let us pet her and be affectionate. I took this as a sign of her being uncomfortable in a new place and my husband and I never forced her to be affectionate or cuddly. We respected her wishes to be alone and never bothered her or forced her out of her hiding holes.

The problem I have encountered is that she has never warmed up or gotten comfortable. She will still constantly hide and refuse to interact with my husband and I. When she finally comes out of her hiding spots, she will run away if we even look in her direction.

I do not think she dislikes us or does not trust us. In the instances of her not hiding, she is extremely affectionate and sweet to my husband and I. She will actually come to us shortly before bed and will let us pet her for a few minutes before running off to her nightly duties while we sleep. Sometimes she does not let us pet her during these moments, and she will just fall asleep in our bedroom within close proximity. She never seems too uncomfortable or untrusting of us when we do see her and actually seems to really enjoy our presence. If we are not in the bedroom during her affectionate night time routine, then she will actually walk around looking for us.

We still do not force her out of her hiding spots and don't want to bother her too much. We are both scared that coaxing her will make her even more afraid of us and dont want to risk her completely hiding. I have attempted to make her less afraid by giving her treats and being very gentle with my coaxing.

All of my friends and family always seem very disappointed when my cat refuses to come out of her hiding spots and are surprised when I ask them to not bother her since she is shy and coaxing her generally makes her worse.

IN CONCLUSION, What can I do to make my cat warm up to me and my husband? Should I just accept the fact that she is just very shy and selectively affectionate?

TLDR: Cat hides from my husband and I 90% of the time and only comes to me for a few minutes immediately before my husband and I go to sleep. She acts very scared and spooked anytime we look at her and approach her during her 90% seclusion time. She shows no sign of hating us so this is very confusing to us.

submitted by /u/lappopuppo
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/apksrv/cat_has_not_warmed_up_after_1_yr/