Ok so. I adopted my cat Sterling just over a year ago, and met my boyfriend a few months after. Right from adoption Sterling had some issues, meaning that he peed outside the litter box when I wasn’t home(note he’s declawed). The vet chalked it up to separation anxiety, as well as the fact he was declawed. Great. I loved this cat the moment I saw him however, so I kept him, and tried everything I could to stop the peeing.
For the peeing alone I tried antianxiety medication, pheromone collars, adding two additional litter boxes (3 in total), softer paper litter (he still favoured the regular one), and leaving the radio on. The only thing that worked (and was recommended by both my vet and the humane society) was caging. I cage him in a giant cage with his litter, food and water whenever I leave. Perfect! I can live with this.
Fast forward 5-6 months later, I met my boyfriend Dan. Initially Sterling and Dan got along ok, nothing out of the normal. I am a university student however, so I ended up bringing Sterling home to my parents house over the summer, where he had the company of two other cats. He really loves his time there, because he is so loving and affectionate and plays Mother Sterling to the two other cats. Dan visited every couple of weekends, but still, nothing out of the ordinary.
Then, come this past September, we had to take Sterling back to my University town. He was super depressed. I figured it was just due to leaving the other cats, and that he was readjust sooner than later. However, he just stayed in the back corner of his cage (next to his litter box) and peed himself instead of getting into the litter box. On top of that, he then diarrhead when we tried to get him to come out.
Dan eventually had to leave for work or something, and out trotted Sterling from his cage, happy and normal as ever, wanting affection. Great! Dan returns however, and he goes back to depression and hiding.
Since then it’s been the same, if not worse. Sterling will hide most of the day, and waits for Dan to either leave or go to bed before he will come out to see me. It’s progressed to now hissing and biting Dan if Dan touches him or tries to get him out from behind the couch (or one of his other hiding spots). Now he is peeing outside the litter box more frequently, largely due to being too afraid to go to his litter box.
We have since tried CBD, a thundervest, Dan ignoring him and not making eye contact, Dan giving him lots of attention, treats, and everything else under the sun. It’s just getting worse. I feel awful because Sterling is so depressed when Dan is around, but brightens up immediately if he knows Dan isn’t home. It’s hard for me because I know Sterling is a lovely cat, but Dan only sees the biting, hissing, peeing bugger he’s become around him. We are moving in together soon (we practically live together already however) and I don’t know how they are going to tolerate each other. Even when Sterling and I are home with the other two cats, if Dan is in the house he will not come out and hides.
I am going home for reading week soon, and the opportunity for Dan to care for Sterling for a week has come up. Is this a good opportunity for Sterling to see Dan as his care provider like me? Or will this make matters worse? Is there anything else I can do that I haven’t done as of yet.
Thank you in advance.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/aopj6r/cat_hates_my_boyfriend/
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