I am a university student and petting a feral kitten I found outside my room. I always take care of her but sometimes she totally ignores me and looks for a way out. Outside is not a good environment, she would starve, might get hunted down by dogs, except she'd get to play with other feral cats. And also I don't want her to leave because I like her presence. But her this behavior drives me crazy. After a certain threshold I do things that she doesn't like out of anger, which I regret later for several days and love her more than ever to compensate that. I know this can't atone what I did to her. But she is so sweet that she forgets everything and embraces me again. And I promise myself not to do this again.
Yesterday I crossed the line. I got her head hit (unintentional). Nothing serious but enough to put her in shock. I was shocked more than her and couldn't believe in myself. I was disgusted in myself. She is the sweetest kitten I've ever seen and doesn't deserve such treatment. Nothing justifies my action. She asked for food in the morning as I woke up and I fed her. She's gotten over that now but whenever I see see her, the moment she hit her head replays in my head and can't forgive myself for what I did.
Please help! I don't know what to do. I just want give her the best life possible now.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ap1j0e/i_tortured_my_little_kitten_and_i_feel_like_im_a/
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