Story time!
I wanted to share the story of how I fell in love with our family’s cat and the guilt I have for at first being upset my parents got her.
So we have a cat named Chloe and I love her so much I would die for her. But I feel a lot of guilt because when my mom out of nowhere said they had gone to the shelter and picked and adopted a cat they would bring home soon I had mixed feelings. I love animals and cats and we used to have a few outdoor cats who came to visit us before they stopped coming but the thing is that I’m REALLY allergic to cats.
I was conflicted. I loved the idea of a cat but I also didn’t like the idea of adopting a cat to live full time in our home when I was so allergic. I thought of how I’d be after spending the day with my friends. I’d come home with my nose a mess, sniffling and wheezing and just not feeling very good and even after a shower it would take me some time to feel better. Having those outdoor cats come visit us wasn’t so bad because they were outdoor and wouldn’t stay in for forever. I loved seeing them but because they weren't all over the house, my allergies weren't affected that badly.
I was upset and I made it known but I felt bad because I did want a cat but I also didn’t want a cat.
When they came home with her I was happy at first but as my allergies began to flare, I began to get very upset and I feel SO GOD DAMN BAD FOR THIS but I would start telling my mom we couldn’t keep her, try and make her feel guilty for how I felt, would just act horrible for like I’d say about 3 months maybe a little over 3. Now, I want to make clear, I loved this little cat, thought she was adorable, I just was upset at how I felt sick at home a lot and felt I guess, angry at my mom. I felt like she didn’t care how I felt sick, she would make comments about how my allergies were bad all the time anyway - okay true I have year long allergies and the tissue box has always been a bff – but it angered and hurt me because yes, my allergies sucked year around, but they were getting way worse with a cat in the house even if my room was a no cat zone, it was effecting me a lot.
I would say to her we can’t keep her but the truth is I never WANTED to get rid of the cat. I loved the cat. I just wanted my mom to seem to care because in my mind at the time, she didn’t.
So in a way I wanted to push her in hopes she’d act like she cared a little more. I know it’s immature. I felt like at the time she didn’t care about how a cat in the house full time was affecting my allergies.
But eventually after a talk with my mom I accepted it and let go of my anger about it and allowed myself to fall fully in love the cat, though truthfully the cat had always won my heart I just didn’t want to show it in front of my parents.
With me and my mom getting along again, she got an air purifier for the house which really helped I found in making me feel better inside the house. I also discovered the wonder that is nose drops which were kind of life changing. If my nose got stuffy or felt awful, I would take some nose drops and just like that my nose would feel better for hours. I would be able to sleep comfortably again/be in the house and feel good.
My mom told me something that made me feel awful last year when we spoke about it again when I was talking about my regret of how I acted. She told me she had told my dad that we should give the cat back in those first months. She hadn’t wanted too, the idea broke her heart, but I’d pushed her so much she felt like she had too. Thankfully, my dad said no and that didn’t happen.
The fact they could have gone to the shelter and given her back makes me cry just typing this. I love her so much. I would have never forgiven myself. I never really wanted the cat to be given back this was me lashing out at my mom and the thought she could have, oh god, it hurts so much. The idea of our little Chloe back into a tiny cage after having a home oh god it hurts!
I tried to explain to my mom this and again she’s long forgiven me for it but I’m not sure she fully understands it was never about me wanting us to get rid of the cat but just me angry at her for how she didn’t seem to care about how I was feeling at the time and that's why I would push at her, say we couldn't keep her, guilt her. Because in her mind she did care but it just didn't feel like it to me, if that makes sense.
I feel so awful about it even now, like almost 6 years later!
I’ve learned to adjust to it. I play with our cat and cuddle her all the time and become a mess sneezing and wheezing nose running but I just shower and change clothes and take nose drops and get in my air purifier room and feel much better. I love her with all my heart and I honestly hate, like it makes me cry, thinking about how I have trouble remembering those first three months of her living with us because I spent so much of it angry at my mom. I hate that I also made the first few months with her bad for my parents in a way like I know they had good memories but I also tarnished a lot of those first month memories. I remember one time just following my mom to the spare room when she was playing with the cat to remind her how sick I was feeling because of having a cat.
I feel awful for how I first acted and ashamed. Though I try and tell myself I wasn’t a monster. I feel awful for how I guilted my parents and especially my mom but I try and tell myself my feelings were valid because animal allergies can be very difficult to deal with and effect someone’s life pretty heavily and I really shouldn’t have felt bad for being upset about it at first. But I just DO feel bad, because I’ve learned how to live and feel good and comfortable in the house with an animal I’m allergic too. My mom understands where I was coming from, but it doesn't make me feel any better, the memories of those first months and how I acted really hurt her too and while she's forgiven me honestly when I talked with her about it last year I just felt worse about it because while my mom admitted to understanding how I felt, it just felt like I was so mean in her eyes then and I have to try and remind myself that while I was, I did have a right to be, if that makes sense.
I also feel bad because having a cat is so special for my mom, she loves that she has an animal to snuggle and cuddle and I felt so selfish I tried to make her feel like she needed to give that up. Oh god it hurts!
And again, I love this cat so much. She means so much to me and I love her, I don't care that cuddling her will make me feel sick, I'll just shower, feel better, get into my air purifier room. I feel like a horrible person looking back on how I acted. I just love her so much.
So I guess I wanted to ask - Did your family ever adopt a pet you are allergic to and at first you were pretty upset and then you ended up falling in total love and now like me, have 'cringe attacks' every now and then remembering your shameful first feelings about it...
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/b1b0nr/because_of_allergies_was_anyone_upset_at_a_family/
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