Curry (short for Courage) unexpectedly left my side and crossed the rainbow bridge last Friday. I’ve been really struggling with her loss and I know my dog and other cat are sensing it.
When I was in college, my mom worked at a hospital that had an abandoned field behind it. It was secluded and people would go drop their unwanted pets to fend for themselves in that area. The property went under new management and the staff was told if the animals can’t be trapped, they’ll have someone come trap and euthanize all of them.
For 3 weekends straight I went took a bus back home to try to trap these babies because nobody else would. It rained most of the time. Finally I was successful in trapping one teeny tiny kitten. She was to then be named Courage. Unfortunately I wasn’t successful in saving anyone else and the manager stayed true to her word.
I was living in a dorm at the time so I got 2 jobs, while going to school and playing a sport, to save up for an apartment so Curry could move in with me.
She’s been my #1 ever since. She was as healthy as can be.
Last Monday around 11pm I noticed she was near unresponsive. I thought maybe she was choking on a hair ball and tried to perform Heimlich. No luck. Rushed her to the emergency vet.
I was to leave for San Fran Wednesday. The doctor said she was doing better and I made arrangements for her to be brought back while I traveled. Yet come Wednesday, as I waited for my Uber to take me to the airport, I couldn’t actually get myself to physically leave my house.
Thursday morning I get a call saying she’s had another episode and she just exponentially worsened. She went from “able to be discharged” to “she can pass any moment”.
At 6pm the Dr said that there’s another hospital 3.5 hours away that’s a University veterinary hospital and it could be her last hope, if she is to make the drive. It was torrentially raining but my SO and I said fuck it, let’s try. Let’s try for my little bean. We drove through the storm and Curry survived the trip there.
Unfortunately not even 30 minutes after getting there, the Doctor begged me to consider putting her out of her misery.
My perfect girl couldn’t even stand. She was trembling. Would fall over when she tried to stand to greet me. Couldn’t even open her eyes. At that moment I realized I need to be her MOTHER and let her go. I needed to let her be pain free.
The doctor advised against it but I held her when they did the deed. And now I’ve been having reoccurring nightmares from it.
I am having them do an autopsy report so we can figure out what happened to her. They’re thinking last stages of Lymphoma cancer...and I just have so much guilt. I never, ever saw any indication.
I miss her so much and really needed to just get this all out there. Thank you for reading 😔
If anyone has any suggestions on how to work through this. Another personal note (to further clarify just how much I love my animals because I find myself having to explain) is that I cannot carry children due to some medical issues, so my fur babies ARE my babies.
I’m really lost. I’m so lost and heartbroken. Tomorrow will be a week and I just don’t know how I’ll go through this. I’m trying to be strong for my other 2 but it’s just so hard.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ayezsj/guardian_angel/
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