Hey everyone,
So at one of my pharmacy rotation sites a very young stray calico kitty immediately identified me across the parking lot and was mewing and very loving to me without me even having to make an effort to get her to come over. I barely knew she was even in the parking lot till I heard faint meows and saw a small cat come trotting over (I also worked graveyard shift when strays are most active). After about a week of giving her food, water, and even a small box to take cover in, I decided I adopting this loving kitty. I was warned she was likely pregnant but that just meant I had to take her in even more. Well, she was pregnant, and a few nights ago around 2:00am her water sac started coming out and me and my visiting bf knew it was time. We stayed up as long as we could to watch for complications but finally fell asleep around 5am. We awoke to what we thought were 4 kittens, but later in the day I heard mewing under some towels near the nest. I uncovered the towel to find a very unique, 5th ginger kitty and even though my bf said leave it alone, I wrapped my hand around a towel and picked it up and put it back in the nest. Mom seem to accept at first, licking it very thoroughly, so I thought all was well.
A couple days later when I was asked for pictures, especially of ginger kitty, I noticed I didn’t see it in the pile of kittens suckling on momma. Again, my bf said not to worry, ginger cat was probably at the bottom of the pile or under an arm, etc.
Turns out after mom left the nest for a quick break I found ginger kitten’s body, underneath where mom was lying down. I did what I could to resuscitate it, but after a few minutes it was obvious he was gone. I wrapped him up in a paper towel, put him in an airtight ziplock bag, then placed that in a shoebox I sealed shut with packing tape, writing on the bag and box “rest in peace little sweetheart” and “please do not disturb”.
Why I feel so awful is because I feel like I ignored my better instincts and gut worries about this kitten just because my bf said to. But I’m the one that complied too, when it should have been obvious from him being out of the nest and having limited teet access this was a reject by mom, or he was just so small she couldn’t feel him squirming or gasping for air. Somehow I doubt the latter though. And he reminded me of my ginger cat I still have thats helped me get through pharmacy school, I just can’t stop feeling awful when everyone else seems to have moved on. I feel like I should’ve just taken him away and to the vet immediately to be bottle fed. But now I have a sealed shoebox in my car awaiting burial this 19th in my parents backyard, the home I grew up in.
Guys, how can I move on and get past these bouts of grief? How do I forgive momma cat who has been a good mom to everyone else and still seeks my attention? How do I forgive my boyfriend for telling me to ignore my poor ginger kitten?
Edit: How do I forgive myself?
[link] [comments]
from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ke7anu/stray_1_year_old_pregnant_mom_i_adopted_smothered/
No comments:
Post a Comment