Three days ago I adopted my first cat (adult, 4 years). I've wanted a pet for years because I love animals and have a need for companionship. I struggle with trauma that emotionally isolates me and getting an emotional support animal was something that seemed perfect for me. I spent a long time waiting for the right kind of cat to be put up for adoption (affectionate, not super high energy, etc). I finally found a cat that seemed perfect, and I was extremely excited and optimistic while going through the adoption process. I was prepared to do whatever I had to in order to make my new furry friend happy and made sure to do ample research. This was not an impulse or half hearted decision for me. I was ready to make this commitment. The cat I chose is super friendly towards strangers and allows basically anyone to pet her/pick her up, purrs easily, likes to explore new spaces, etc, and I thought there was no way a cat could be any more perfect. However, only a few hours after bringing her home, I felt like I was hit by an emotional truck. I felt wrong, and off, and anxious. I couldn't enjoy any of the activities I normally do, like reading or listening to music, and felt as if a part of my identity had died (if that even makes sense). I also dissociated pretty severely. This terrible feeling has remained since that first day and it's completely taken me off guard because nothing indicated to me that I would react in this way, as I didn't feel any doubts when going through the adoption process, and my emotional state has been stable. I believe this reaction is due to my buried trauma, because I subconsciously keep people at a distance and my brain doesn't like the fact that I am suddenly permanently attaching another dependent life to my own. The problem I have is obviously what to do now. I want to connect to this animal so badly and this terrible feeling came completely out of left field, but I have no way of knowing if it's something I'll get over on my own or if I'll need to spend 5 years in therapy in order to love this cat or something along those lines. This cat is amazing (friendly, sweet, independent) and the shelter I got her from has cats adopted from it within a week or two max of them being taken in, so I know if I took her back she would find a new loving home quickly. I just feel terrible thinking about it, because I know I've let her down and that I'm a failure and I would have gotten her adjusted to a new space for nothing. But ultimately I think she deserves to be in a home where she is unconditionally loved by someone who is completely emotionally there. On the flipside my friends tell me that they think it would be a good thing for me to keep her longterm because I'll get over this feeling and it will help me open up, and that returning an animal like this is cruel. However, they have no idea what I'm feeling right now and how intense it is, and the last thing I want is for this cat to completely emotionally bond to me and then have me give her back to the shelter when I decide a year later that I can't do it anymore; it's already bad enough as is. I think I'm going to wait two weeks or so to see how my mental/emotional state is then and decide what to do from there, because if by that point I'm still in this emotionally dangerous state I think it would be best for both me and the cat if she were rehomed. I'm internally panicking though and any advice at all would be appreciated because my friends seem to see the only option being me keeping the cat even though we have no idea if my emotions will change or not. I know this probably isn't an easy post to answer and bit odd because my issue isn't financial or anything but completely emotional, but I'm desperate right now for any kind of help at all and want what's best for both me and the cat.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/l32bbp/severe_adoption_regret_need_advice/
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