Hi all,
I really appreciate just some advice about grief from those who have ever lost a pet or been in a similar situation and I'd like to talk through my own feelings if thats okay.
I feel like I haven't been able to process or share my feelings with anyone because my dog is not actually dead, but rather I have no access to him. My ex girlfriend and I split after 5 years together, during which time we adopted the sweetest little puppy after only a year together. It was a poor decision in hindsight, but we were young and in love and living near a shelter where we would play with the dogs. We met an absolutely adorable dog and played with him every time we visited for 3 months straight. We joked how he would be adopted every single week and that 'this was goodbye' each week. When he wasn't adopted after the last time and we couldn't leave him, it was clear we had bonded with him. I paid for the dog and we put him in her name for housing purposes.
Needless to say, I bonded with my dog over the 4 years that my ex and I remained together. I really was so proud of him, he was an absolute wonderful and handsome pup, he brought a lot of joy to everyone and even strangers. He and I were inseparable.
When I finally decided to end the relationship in December 2019, we talked through how even though we'd be living an hr and a half apart, he was technically her dog and it was only right she take him. I would still get visitation basically. And that worked for a while. There were definitely some frustrating times, the agreement was pretty much thrown out the window by the second visit where instead of meeting halfway at some neutral point, I started to have to drive the full distance to pick him up (3hr round trip). But I didn't even care at the end of the day. Being able to have him for a weekend or more every 1-2 months was okay. Deep down I knew it wouldn't last, but I wanted to fool myself that I could still have a relationship with my dog and not my ex.
Eventually about 6 months in she cut me off, which is in her right but a bit cold. She was struggling with the breakup and wanted a clean break. It probably wasn't ever a sustainable situation and was fraying my new relationship that I still had one foot in the door of my former life. I don't want to relitigate it or reach out to my ex, but it really hurts that I can't see my dog. It's been 6 months since I last saw him and it hasn't gotten much better. I've moved on, things on paper are going great, but I feel like I have a dog shaped hole in my heart.
I try really hard not to look at his pictures online or old photos I have together with him or of him but it can be really hard. It's even harder because I know he's out there somewhere, probably wondering what happened to his master sometimes. Neighbors ask where he is and tell me they miss having him around. My parents loved him particularly and I would bring him to visit them whenever I could. It's tough when he comes up because I can tell they miss him too. I just want to cry and tell everyone I do too.
Most of all, I wish I could go back to my last time with him in the car and say goodbye to him and hug him and tell him I'm sorry and make him understand how much I love him.
Can anyone help me and talk about how you got over losing a companion/pet?
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/mmjuu7/struggling_to_get_over_losing_my_dog_to_a_breakup/
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