So, yesterday, we euthanized our cat Black and White (yes that was her name as she was a stray that we didnt intend to get attached to or keep, but over 6 years later and two houses she had been loved by us, so not as planned). Here's where the story gets hard for me and feels like i've made some awful decisions. 2 weeks ago we saw her vomit up yellow foam and show that she wasn't eating on her own and thought that she wasn't feeling well as she was being lethargic, so we gave her some wet food (with little response until we added fortiflora, the crack cocaine of cats as far as i'm concerned) and monitored her for a few days.
After that weekend she was still very stagnant so we took her into a vet. When we got her checked over they immediately felt that there was some kind of mass inside her abdomen and did some blood work, xray, ultrasound to get a better look at what it might be. The primary care vet was not entirely sure as it didnt appear to be a consistent mass but a bunch of area that was showing up hazy on their images and suggested a specialist. They immediately got us setup for an appt for the next day with a specialist that also had a surgical team at the site since this was the Friday before memorial day. Once there they reported that their ultrasound had shown what looked to be either a metastacized cancer or an abnormal FIP presentation (since we were looking at lymphnodes being the affected areas inside) and wouldn't be at a stage where operating it would make sense since they wouldn't be able to confirm pulling out all the masses vs one larger tumor. At this point we opted for biopsy with the hope that someone would read it on Saturday and we could start any possible treatments immediately.
However, since holidays suck, we didnt get any results back until end of day wednesday of the next week (upon numerous calls about getting details). When we left the vet on that friday they provided a generic predisolone and mirtazapine for assisting with reducing the inflamation for comfort and appetite stimulant.
Which is where the painfulness of all this comes, so that day of leaving the vet, she still wasn't a very comfy cat and would be lethargic and have difficulty being comfortable in one spot to sleep, but would talk to me for food (but only if i gave that fortiflora regardless of the dozen different food types and companies i tried separately). She still mostly made it to the litterbox that we kept next to her main hiding spots (few times of defacating external of the box while standing in it but i dont know if she just didnt like that other cats had used it recently since we have 3 others but promptly cleaned after each time i saw that). But for the next few nights she would still at least jump up into bed with us once a day for a few minutes and then go back down once uncomfortable.
Then monday of this week we really started to notice new developments, her breathing had gone from being something i would monitor to being of concern, it became labored and sometimes wheezy, she would still breath 30times a minute (until wed/thurs where it went up to 40+ times) but it looked to be more uncomfortable to just lay and breathe (you could see her whole head jolt a bit on each breath and eventually her eyes showing pain on the breath). We could see that walking across the house would wind her and she needed to stop and sit inbetween areas often. She still followed us outside a couple of times (her favorite places to go were outside for the smells and of course to eat the grass sometimes) but each time she would be completely spent for the day after it.
So then tuesday night the firsts of stuff started to happen, she stopped coming to the bed, she started to hide underneath it or in the farthest back room with her face away from the door. Still would come out to eat and use the litterbox but then usually retreated away from us. Even one time getting into the cat carrier that we left open from the vet trip (that one was eerie as hell). Wednesday we finally get a call that the result is a Malignant Round Cell tumor from the biopsy resulting in a diagnosis of Histiocytic Systemic Sarcoma (since this was of at least non cutaneous origin). From all of our research and what they had also told us, a very rare cancer that treatments have not been very effective for and is considered to be very aggressive. So with that said, we got an appointment for thursday morning scheduled.
So for the rest of the night we talked continously and reevaluated where we were and what all could happen for her. Let's say the chemo works, how long do we think we get for her, how difficult will the drive be for her along with being alone at a vet all day, how much more comfortable does she become, would it be immediate so that she isnt having painful breaths, all of those thoughts of is this the right decision or should we chose a more drastic route. Well, as the story begins it so ends, we opted for the route of euthanasia given how we believed she was having consistent pain of breathing every day and had almost no relief from the most recent dosage of prednisolone.
Now the whole reason for writing this is that i feel that i have done the wrong thing here and obviously can't take back bad decisions. The whole timeline is just a couple of weeks from noticing a cat was sick to end of life. I can't say for certain there weren't other signs ahead of these two weeks (i know she was at least eating on her own a month ago as i have video of that). I also cannot be sure how old she even was as we found her showing up to our house to be fed for several months before moving and we kept her for 6 years so my estimate is 12-14yrs on the low end of possibility when compared to the other cats that i have a more direct age. Her meow never helped as it always sounded like she was a smoker (no problems there since we had her checked for other things in the past and even in this the organs themselves on imagery didnt look bad overall). The cancer just seems to have been filling up her insides and compressing her from the inside out.
I just dont know if the chemo would have been the better option to attempt and have her in moderate to severe pain with the expectation of it helping it. I know that having a cat have to wait for a diagnosis on a holiday weekend is probably the worst thing that can happen to you as a few days ahead may have vastly changed this decision if we could have started ahead of it impacting her lungs. We for sure got a lot of years together that i dont know that she would have had surviving in the woods behind an apartment complex in the middle of nowhere (the place was a dumping ground for stray cats and all of our 4 came from there ((including one that had 5 kittens when we first brought her in and adopted them out))). It just feels like i robbed a friend of life that i had no right to take. I know everyone says it is better to euthanize a day early than a day late, but im not sure i agree at this moment in time.
(i may have left details out in here somewhere, feel free to ask if you need clarification)
TL:DR; Being a human companion to an animal hurts sometimes
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ns59or/feeling_like_i_made_the_worst_decision/
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