Hey there, pet lovers!
We recently adopted a new cat and I didn't know where I could vent/seek advice, but this place seemed like a good place to start.
Some background: I'm nearly 40 and have had cats in my life literally since I was born. Some of them were aloof, some were skittish, some were friendly, and I've always just taken them as they are. 19 years ago, a young cat ran up to me in a CiCi's parking lot and became the love of my life.
We went through everything together including near homelessness and the death of the person I had been dating. There were times where she was the only thing that kept me going and I had never met a cat like her. She purred whenever I trimmed her nails, she never clawed anyone, she was patient with everything from infants to big dogs. We fostered many pets through her tenure and she was like a second mother to so many of them. She loved to be pet, cuddled, picked up, and genuinely loved every moment she was alive.
Sadly, after a long battle with kidney disease, I lost her this May. It took me this long to feel like I was ready to let another cat in my life again, but having her helped me know exactly what I wanted in a cat.
I know that no cat will ever be her, and I'm not looking to replace her. But there are specific traits that I knew were a must for me. I reached out to numerous shelters with a very well organized list of things I was looking for, along with information on our home and my experience with animals.
I was referred to a foster who said she had a 7 month old who seemed to fit exactly what we were looking for. Due to COVID, we weren't able to meet her in person prior to adoption, but we had many Zoom meetings and talked a lot with her foster.
This week we brought the new cat home.
I know cats take time to settle in. I know she's young. But she is not most of the things I said were important to me and I'm feeling very disheartened.
She doesn't like being picked up. She really likes being pet, most of the time, but often will run from people because she doesn't want her play interrupted. She is very stubborn about getting into things and will bite and scratch me in frustration when redirected.
None of this sounds like the "calm, patient, cuddle bug" that I said I was looking for.
I know that it's not the kitten's fault that she is not those things. I know that she will calm down with age. But there are personality differences that will never change.
My wife keeps telling me "If you can't bond with her and she's not a good fit, we can talk to the shelter about something else" but I feel like a complete monster over that idea. I adopt animals for life, for better or worse, but I find myself feeling so depressed about it being at least another 10 years before I can look for another cat that has all those things I'm looking for.
Am I just being silly? Do I need to just let that grief go and accept that she is who she is and be OK with that? Is my wife right? Any advice would be great.
TL:DR new kitten doesn't seem to fit the criteria I told the rescue I wanted, wife thinks we should reach out for one more suitable, but I feel like I would be abandoning a kitten who didn't ask to be 'not good enough'.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/kxn8b4/new_cat_and_i_dont_know_how_to_feel_advice_please/
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