Why do i want to hurt cats?

For some reason i want to hurt cats. They used to be my favorite animal actually. It started when i moved into my new house and there was a stray cat there and turns out it was pregnant. It had 6 kittens and i gave 4 away and the mom. At first i was really happy to have kittens. I have a white one and he is really fat and lazy and my other one is brown and white and is very playful. The white one liked to be pet more. I would always pet it but and for some reason i just had a strange urge to hurt it. So i started lightly choking the cat everytime i would pet it. the first time i did it i didnt really think about it i just suddenly did it. and rhe cat started scratching me so i stopped. I was actually kind of scared of myself at that moment. After that i didnt care anymore and kept doing that. I would also hit the cat a lot. I would do all of this away from my family in my room. Somtimes i would hurt the brown and white one but not that often cause he would fight more. So now i stop petting the cats because the purring just pisses me off. I decided to write this when i brought the white cat in my room as usual planning to hurt it. so i was so mad at the cat and i had better plan to choke it. So i sat on the cat but not crushing it. I sat on it so it wouldn't struggle and i put my hands around the cats neck and choked is the tightest and longest i had ever before. Then it started wiggling around and i stopped . and as soon as i let go the cat screamed really loud and it sounded oddly human. it was honestly creepy as fuck. Right after i let the cat go it just layed there for like 5 seconds so i grabbed it and started pushing its chest cause i thought i killed it. but then it woke up and ran off my bed and scrambled across the floor into my closet. it jumped into a box and i sat there shaking cause i actually thought it was dead for a second. then i went to go check on it and it was fine but was frozen from fear. I know i shouldnt hurt cats but the urge is just way to strong to control. So a little later i grabbed the cat from my closet and started petting it. and as usual the purring made me so mad. so i started hitting it again. Now i havent hurt the cats for a few day. so can somone pls give me advice on how to stop

submitted by /u/axtelsetton
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/kszxk5/why_do_i_want_to_hurt_cats/