Hello everyone, I'm usually an anonymous lurker on reddit but I am so overwhelmed with my life right now and I don't know where to get help anymore.
I used to have a kitten last year. He was adorable but he was not used to human life style. To make it short: he grew up with only his cat family and not much interaction with humans. He was a larger cat than expected (he was a 3 month old kitten but already 3-4 kilos) and hurt me badly with his claws, I loved him dearly but got into a bad depression and felt overwhelmed whenever the cat was with me. My parents were not happy at all and made me give him away.
Lately I've been feeling horribly sad. I missed him a lot. I knew a kitten would be a lots of work again. So I told my parents that we could try fostering and adult cat. That way we can save a cat and already get a cat with a distinct personnality.
However they brought another kitten. The kitten itself is kind and never uses his claws on us. The only time he does his zoomies is when his food bowl is empty.
Everything was okay untill he started preying on my hamster. He used to only watch him but now he started jumping on the cage unexpectedly and I'm scared of him hurting the hamster. He almost hurt him badly today, I was able to stop him in time.
I feel terrible. I don't understand myself anymore, I've been sad for so many years because I always wanted a cat. And now, with a second try of adopting a foster kitten I feel overwhelmed again and I fear for my hamster's life.
I don't feel okay whenever I live the house again (I felt the same thing with my other kitten), it's like being stuck in a cycle of constant depression. I fear for my stuff, I tried to hide the objects I'm emotionally attached to. And now I fear for my hamster. I either feel sad for not having a cat or feel overwhelmed because I must take care of one.
I feel just guilty for having such bad emotions towards that kitten. He really never ever hurt me. He isn't too clingy either, he is a little lap cat.
His zoomies do make me mad but I think food calms him down a lot.
At this point I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to 10-15 years with a cat and with these feelings. I've never felt that way with my hamsters even though they broke so much of my stuffs, I never got the negative feelings I have right now with cats and it makes me crazy because I've been loving cats and wanting one for my whole life. Everyday I fear that he might break something or hurt the hamster. What if he hurts himself too ?
I'm so lost. Scared of my own emotions and scared for my hamster's well being.
The hamster can only stay in my room, my parents aren't fond of rodents. The cat knows how to open a door and I am not allowed to buy a locker.
I don't know what I should do anymore.. I just can not give up on my hamster, I am emotionally attached to it. It is the last link I have with a late friend of mine, I don't want it to be hurt. I'm in a constant state of breaking down. Please if you have any advice I am willing to take any.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/mwvm7d/post_adoption_depression_and_animal_cohabitation/
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