I will spare you the details about my struggle with depression and emotional abuse because quite frankly I'm a grown ass adult and should know better than to react this way towards a frail animal who doesn't understand.
I got my 3 y/o cat back in December. All in all, she's been magnificent. No litter box accidents, doesn't break stuff around the house and rarely scratches me intentionally.
Lately I've been pretty stressed out because of the quarantine and it being a 50/50 on whether I'll have work the next day or not. Add to that the fact that me being at home all day seems to be stressing her out and it's a recipe for disaster.
Today, she had been meowing all day while I was trying to get work done and I banged on the door of my room to shut her up (she's not allowed inside). When I finally came out, she kept getting on my way and trying to trip me while I tried to get stuff done around the house. I yelled slightly so she would leave me alone, but she would be back at it 5 mins later.
A few minutes ago, once she calmed down and I was watching Hulu by her side I started petting her and 30 seconds into it she bites my hand hard enough to draw blood. After my whole day, I just exploded. I held back enough to not hit her and I didn't, but I grabbed her (she doesn't like being held) and I starting moving as if I was gonna drop her, which made her start yelling.
That awoke something truly nasty in me. I fell the tiniest amount of pleasure from her yelling. Like she finally knew who was the boss and that I should be respected and feared. I held her by her hind legs and that sent her on a yelling fit. After she understandably fought back, I put her down on the sofa and started running at her while she went for every hiding spot she could think of. I just kept chasing her into all of them.
Once she reached her final hiding spot behind the toilet I didn't hit her or touch her, but I yelled at the top of my lungs "DON'T BITE ME! After that I fell back on the sofa and started sobbing hard. I hadn't let a fit like that out in a long time and I was terrified of myself. My cat is currently in her bed staring blankly at nowhere specifically. I figured she would want to be left alone, so I'm waiting for her to make the first move.
I feel horrible. This cat has brought me happiness that I haven't felt in a long time and I have made a serious effort to make her feel comfortable at home with plenty of toys, high places and a clean litter box. I know the first advice is gonna be to give her up over this incident, but honestly that would completely crush me at this time. I sometimes feel like she's the one thing in my house keeping me going.
So I want to know what second choice do I have. I'm willing to do some reading and put in the work, but I don't want to give up my cat. Anything but that.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/g7kdi9/i_lashed_out_at_my_cat_badly_and_feel_i_might/
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