Three months ago, I got a 4-year old cat from my local ASPCA. Before I adopted her, they told me multiple times that she was very shy. They also said that they knew nothing about her past. They say she came to them as a stray. She came to them wearing a tattered collar. This was during COVID, so I could only do a video visit. While she was shy, they also said she loved being petted and purred a lot when done so.
I found out through my landlord, my reference for the adoption, that the shelter told them that they were very concerned about my cat, T, being kept permanently, because she was so shy. I thought, "shy?" No problem. I'm an introvert with social anxiety. No problem. I was prepared to be very patient and gentle with her.
When I unzipped her carrier upon bringing her home, she immediately darted under my bed. "Great," I thought. "She'll feel comfortable there." I put her food and water there, and her litter box within reach. I gave her her space. When I said good night to her, she hissed at me. Lol. I got it. I shut off the light and went to bed.
Over the next few days, I checked up on her periodically. She stayed under the bed, only leaving to eat/go potty at night when she was sure i was asleep. She allowed me to pet her during the day and purred a lot. She is very cute. After a week, I had to take her to the vet for her required check-up, and to get some tick meds.
Long story short, getting her into the carrier was an absolute disaster. I had never once attempted to pull her from under the bed. I was nervous to do so, because I knew she would take it as a threat. But I had to do it because the shelter also, kindly, let me know when I picked her up that she has a heart murmur.
She bit me severely in both hands. Blood was everywhere. I had to go to the doctor, as the bites got infected, and went on antibiotics. Got cured. I was annoyed, but I kept on trying to make her feel comfortable/adjusted. That same night, she let me pet her, throbbing, bloody hand, and all. I gave her more space, as well. This was all in the first week.
Fast forward 3 months. She has moved to another hiding spot: a punched in hole under my downstairs living room couch (R.I.P, no pun intended) and hides down there all day. She lays there in a little spot and sleeps all day every day. No coaxing at all will convince her. She only emerges at night, after she's certain I'm asleep. If I happen to go downstairs at night and run into her, she darts away with so much fear. She is utterly terrified of me. Of humans, it seems like. Which I don't understand, because the couple times a day that I do pet her, by reaching my hand inside the hole in the couch she is very receptive. She purrs, rubs her head on my hand. She even likes to play with certain toys. But she just absolutely refuses to stop hiding. I tried, a couple months ago, to block off the hiding spots. I taped cardboard around my bed once when she ran out. She gave a running start and headbutted her way through the cardboard. I have a really big 11-room, two-floor house with endless hiding spaces. Sealing them all off would be impossible.
God, this is long, I'm sorry. Wrapping up now. I say all this to say this: I think the shelter gave me a feral (or at least partially feral) cat. She has absolutely no interest in human beings outside of receiving free massages, she gets terrified at the slightest sound (I also live pretty much alone in a really quiet home, she has everything: great food, clean litter, scratching posts, fancy toys, wonderful space...I've spent so much money >.<), and is totally nocturnal. I am at a loss. I went through a whole bottle of Felliway spray, I went through an entire Felliway diffuser, I play cat music, I engage her with active play, I try to give her as much space as possible, I give her massages that she somehow loves. I even fed her kitty CBD. Nothing seems to work. I have a feeling that she just doesn't want to be in a home. She seems content with the set-up of "hide all day, wait til human goes to sleep, do stuff, repeat." I actually have never seen her in full. Just the glimpses in her hiding spot and when she runs away...
The vibe I get is that she would be much better in a smaller home with another cat. Or even outside. I think she is used to being around cats, not humans, and appears to be very depressed. Unfortunately, I am a student and I cannot afford another cat.
At this point, I am leaning towards returning her to the shelter so that they can get her into a home she could actually be happy in; not hide, sleep, and cower all day :( It honestly is stressing me out so much that she isn't happy. I feel like I'm holding her hostage. I'm kind of at my wit's end. It feels very hopeless and I feel like a failure because I've tried everything I can for 3 months, to no avail. It sucks because she is so beautiful and I wish we could bond. Unfortunately, I find myself calling her "the cat" most of the time...It's hard to bond with an animal that avoids you at all turns.
Nothing has worked so far. She's the same as the first week. I think, like I said, she's at least partially feral. I try and try to press the shelter about her origin story and they give these very elusive answers. It feels like they weren't forthcoming. I don't know if they were honest with me about her real potential to live in a home with humans. I don't know if she was truly ready to be adopted.
Should I give her back to the shelter to get rehomed? Or should I keep trying?
I appreciate your help.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ib8qj5/debating_returning_adopted_cat_to_shelter/
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