there is kind of a lot of backstory that i think is relevant, sorry for the length!
my oldest cat, Nightmare, is 13, I've had her since she was a kitten. She's very affectionate and spent the first several years of her life with our first cat. They got along okay, mostly they ignored each other. Three years ago, I adopted Gomez as a kitten. He was a feral rescue, just about 8 or 9 weeks old when I brought him home. The adjustment process went okay...at least two weeks of isolation for Gomez, switching the rooms, etc. Nightmare is still not really a big fan. He's no longer quite as pushy about attention or affection from her, and the mere sight of him no longer angers her, so we're making progress.
In December, I started fostering a good friend's cat, Alya. Again, we did the whole introduction process, this time for even longer because Nightmare and Gomez were both having very strong reactions (and she's also not super well behaved, so we had to kind of keep her out of trouble when we were away). Alya is about 4, has grown up with other cats, and once she got used to Nightmare and Gomez, I think most of her behavior was attempts at friendship. Gomez mostly met this with confusion, but Nightmare absolutely hates it, same as with Gomez.
Around the time stay-at-home began for me in Mar., I Nightmare and Alya started to get really agitated (chasing each other, hissing, luckily no screaming fights or lasting damage), and in the last month or so, I started to notice the dreaded cat urine smell. In the last twoish weeks, I have seen Nightmare walk right up to furniture, walls, doors, anything, right in front of me, and pee. To deal with this I have:
- started isolating Alya more often. I think part of the issue was that I was letting Alya spend more time outside "her" room, since I was around to keep her off of counters etc. I've also seen her harassing Nightmare while she was using the litter box, so separation was definitely in order (also to keep them from hurting each other)
- put a pheromone collar on Nightmare
- started using a pheromone diffuser. I think this actually helped, more than the collar.
- cleaning urine as soon as I see/smell it, and I'm trying to get the lingering scents out as well, which is taking longer, ofc.
There are 3 litter boxes throughout the house that I clean daily (I know I should get a 4th, but I don't know where I could put it). I think that Nightmare's general displeasure with the new cat, Alya's behavior, probably some anxiety from the change/having us all home, and her sensing my own anxiety have all sort of conspired to make Nightmare cranky and insecure enough to start peeing/marking.
The situation with Alya is temporary - she will be moving with my friend as soon as she can get a work transfer, but the time frame isn't set in stone (thanks covid). We're looking at hopefully mid-summer. Nightmare is still very affectionate with me and my housemates, still playful, eating normally. I don't think she's sleeping too much or under/over-grooming, and she isn't hiding. The main issues are the marking and aggression (only towards the cat), and I'm worried this will continue even after Alya is gone. Are there any suggestions for both short and long term to help Nightmare feel a little less angry/insecure/prone to marking?
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/gmfizr/helping_my_older_cat_feel_secure_and_happy_again/
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