I had my 15ish year old mini poodle put down in November. I think about him a lot and fear that he didnt feel loved in his last months. We drifted apart a lot as he aged. He just seemed to not know what was going on, and our day to day life got complicated. Almost all of our last experiences were filled with stress and I hate it.
I couldnt take him to the groomer anymore because he got depressed for days afterwards and had started attacking the groomers. I tried groom him at home because he was getting super matted. One day I was trying to get him to lie down so the haircut would be easier on his joints and the floor was slippery and he did a split. He let out an awful scream, and I think about it a lot. He got back up, but his little scream haunts me.
I had to carry him up and down the stairs multiple times a day or he would hurt himself trying, but he hated being carried.
He peed himself a lot and I was constantly having to change his diapers and wipe him down. He hated it.
He stopped cuddling and for the most part would avoid being in the same room as me.
Near the very end, he was flinching every time he was touched. I dont know if it was from the dementia, or because he became afraid of me.
We had him put down in home. He bit the vet and screamed when the needle pierced his skin. Then he peed, maybe out of fear. I think about that a lot.
We used to be so close when he was younger. We snuggled all of the time, and he was so well trained and understood when things needed to happen and trusted me. I dont even think he knew I loved him when he died, if he even knew who I was.
He could still walk around and was mobile, so sometimes I wonder if I even made the right decision. Like maybe a better owner could have made it work and made him feel as loved as he was?
I feel like I failed him and I cant stop the guilt. I miss him a lot. He deserved better.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/fallc2/do_you_guys_ever_feel_guilt_for_the_pets_youve/
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