Not quite sure what is wrong with me and would really love some words of encouragement. I brought an adopted cat home last week, and though the problem is usually that the cat needs more time to adjust, I think I am actually the one who needs to adjust. For some reason I cannot connect to this sweet cat. She is not a bad cat in any way, just not really the right fit or what I was looking for. I figured that was fine, that I can learn to love my new cat with her own quirks, but it is almost as though I have postpartum depression or something. Even as I type this now, she’s just quietly sitting at the foot of my bed and yet I just can’t bond with this cat. Looking at her fills me with anxiety. I’ve barely eaten since I got her and can’t stop having panic attacks over whether or not I’ve made a mistake. I seriously feel like a monster right now.
Some background:
I grew up with cats and have been wanting one for so long now. I have anxiety and the cats I’ve had before were like emotional support pets- when I would feel anxious, I would hold my cats and listen to his purrs and would immediately be calmed and filled with a sense of peace and happiness. So I knew I was searching for an older lap cat, one that was calm yet affectionate.
After looking at a bunch of shelters, talking to people who work with the cats and meeting the same ones multiple times, I settled on this young cat suggested by a woman who ran the shelter who thought we’d be a great fit. At first they thought she was 2, which was younger than I was searching for, but this woman was so helpful and genuinely thought we’d be a good match, and after meeting her, I agreed. But when I went in to pick her up the next day, they had just received more papers from her previous shelter and learned that she was only 7 months old. But at that point I had already committed.
She’s the opposite of what I wanted to find: high energy, likes to be around people but is somewhat aloof, likes to be pet occasionally, doesn’t really like to be held, certainly not a lap cat, and is very mischievous and curious which wouldn’t be that bad if I didn’t work from home. As a result I’ve barely gotten any work done and not much sleep either. I can’t hold her and calm my nerves as I did with my other cats- instead of having a calming effect, she runs all over the place and raises my anxiety even more.
I called up the woman at the shelter who was happy to give me advice and also explained to me that she always wanted to make sure that the cat was the right fit for the home, and that if after a few weeks it just was not right, I should not feel bad about bringing her back to the shelter as they are a no kill shelter and take really wonderful care of their animals. She is also a young and sweet cat so she would be adopted right away- the woman even told me she would give me updates if I wanted her to. I wouldn’t be worried about her future if I brought her back, but I would feel like a worthless failure and it would really break my heart. If I can’t snap myself out of this depression however, I don’t think I’d even be deserving of this cat and it would be better off at a home where people will properly LOVE her and play with her all she wants.
I know it’s only been one dang week and I’m going to give it more time, I will. I just don’t know what to do to calm my nerves so that I can allow myself to bond with her and get to know her better. I guess I haven’t asked anything specific here, but if anybody has any advice, words of wisdom, or just a story of a similar experience to share, I would really appreciate it!
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/aijynp/experiencing_severe_depression_and_anxiety_over/
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