Aggressive Male Cat is Tormenting Our Female Cat

Question: How do we stop our male cat from attacking our female cat and, eventually, our friends?

My BF and I recently adopted a neutered 2YO male Maine Coon mix kitty on New Year's. The staff at the shelter let us know he had been surrendered by his last owner, seemingly bc they had kids and he was too aggressive/playful. One of the reasons we decided to adopt him was because he had been at the humane society longest (2 months). They said he could get aggressive, but we didn't let that deter us. We try to adopt animals that people are less likely to want (last adoption was a sick senior cat).

So our new kitty was quite scared and aggressive for the first week or so, swatting at our ankles (seems afraid of feet), biting (usually playfully), but with enough playing and casual time spent together, he improved drastically. We didn't fully allow him in our female kitty's space until a week in, and when he won't leave her alone now, we put him back in the basement (it's fairly large with a window, food/water/litter).

He and our female cat, 4.5YO, often play, and our female cat tends to hiss/growl when she plays (she'll lay on her back and initiate playing, but still hiss/growl the whole time). Our concern is that he doesn't understand when he goes too far, and is sometimes relentless in chasing and tackling her no matter how much noise (clapping) we make or try to separate them. When he won't stop, we take him downstairs for 15-30 minutes to cool down, sometimes longer. He huffs through his nose during this. No blood or obvious scratches yet, but the screeches our female cat makes when he won't stop are really troubling. She seems genuinely scared. Then, an hour later they sit on the bed together or in the window. Sometimes she growls and runs off, sometimes he decides to walk away.

He has caused my and my boyfriend's legs to bleed before, and has swatted at/started to get aggressive whenever we briefly have friends over (all men), before we immediately take him downstairs. We haven't really had friends over so he can be comfortable, but in 10 days BF and I will be out of state for 5 days. Worried that even with gradual introductions to a friend, he still might attack them when the friend visits while we're gone. More worried that our female kitty will get hurt while we're away. She literally can't escape him anywhere except a stairwell banister.

I will say, our female cat was a real jerk to our senior cat when she was alive. She was very jealous and would attack the older cat. Toward the end (kitty was very sick), she softened and is now an absolutely sweet cat. Male cat is often very sweet, too. I want to believe that part of these issues are his age/previous home life, and not a long-term behavioral issue.

I also wonder if some of this aggression is from late neutering (not sure how old he was, no more than like 20 months I'd think). Our first night together, I let him play with my arm and he started humping it. I don't let him get far enough to do that anymore, BUT he sometimes tries to bite the back of our female cat's neck, and when he kneads a blanket, he also wants to hold it in his mouth.

How do we make this situation better for both of them without injuries or having to find him another home?

Things we've tried:

• Calming pheromone diffuser in main room.
• 2-3 food/water bowls around, 3 litter boxes.
• Rewarding gentle play with treats.
• Diverting male's attention from female with treats (female gets treats after, too)

[TLDR: Our younger male cat doesn't respect older female cat's boundaries, relentlessly chases her, occasionally swats at us/friends, and may have sexual aggression problems. How do we help him through his aggression?]

submitted by /u/NovelGarage5
[link] [comments]

from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/f8j7h8/aggressive_male_cat_is_tormenting_our_female_cat/