Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Mourning my dog

I had to put my dog down 1 week and 1 day ago. He started having violent seizures a few days before we put him down. We took him to his regular vet after the first one, and she gave us meds. But after his 6th seizure the next day, we took him to a 24 hour vet hospital (he had another seizure on the car ride there) , and they kept him for 48 hours. They struggled to control his seizures. He had 12 in all, and pretty bad brain damage. He was on auto dog. He was blind, and didn't know us, or even who he was. All he could do was pace and cry. We visited with him while he was unconscious from the meds he was on, and he still had a very small seizure. So, we made the decision to put him down. Or, I did. I used to be a dog groomer, and I had seen dogs come that were so sick, and so miserable. One dog in particular comes to mind. He was an old cocker spaniel with a tumor the size of an apple hanging off his neck. And his eyes... Well. I don't want to describe the condition his eyes were in. While at the hospital with my dog, I asked the vet about keeping my dog alive for his quality of life, or because of my own selfishness. I didn't want to be like the owner of the cocker spaniel, keeping my miserable dog alive for my own selfishness. The vet, of course, could not say that I should put him down, but she thanked me for my "sensitivity". She did not seem to think he would have any sort of quality of life, and that he would ever come back from the damage done.

Now here I am, a week later feeling like I killed my dog. I just want him back. It still hurts so much. I only had him three years. My other two dogs are grieving, too. I feel like a garbage human being. I want to fix it, but I can't.

submitted by /u/camsdragon
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/heskbr/mourning_my_dog/

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