My beloved maltese/shi tsu passed away about 6 weeks ago after a sudden 2-week decline. I was told that I had no choice to put her down and it happened in the worst way possible and I'm haunted by the memory.
While part of me has accepted that this has happened, my muscle memory hasn't. I still leave my room with the instinct to pick her up and hug her, and am confused every time I realise that it isn't possible.
Sometimes I had to close my office door to concentrate, and she got in the habit of pawing the door to let me know she wanted to come in. Every time my door rattles I think she's on the other side.
I have a recurring dream where she's on my front porch, all dirty and messy, waiting me to realise that she never passed and had made her way back from wherever she's been since that unfortunate day.
It's killing me. I can't help but wonder what might have happened if I held out a few more days. Maybe she would have improved. Maybe the medication was giving her side effects and she just had to get used to them. I should have got a second opinion. I shouldn't have listened to one vet and one vet alone.
I can accept she's gone, but my body can't.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/def9wn/shes_gone_but_my_muscle_memory_wont_realise_it/
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