Throwaway because I'm so ashamed of feeling this way and don't want it attached to me at all. I've always had a cat, always been a cat person. I love them. I've only ever had one cat at a time, but the relationship that develops has always been very important in my life. I live alone and have a history of abusive relationships, so honestly the love from a cat is the only unconditional love I've ever known. My former cat died very unexpectedly 3 months ago, and I decided to go ahead and adopt another cat about 2 weeks later. I live alone and with the pandemic I don't have any other "socializing" in my life apart from my cat, plus I was going through a very difficult time with my own health issues and a death in my family so it felt like the worst time to not have a friend by my side.
Because of lockdown I wasn't able to go into the shelter physically to pick out a cat, but I read the descriptions for the cats online, found one (Percy) who was described as affectionate, cuddly, and snuggly and applied for him. I was also given the opportunity to Skype with the foster family, who confirmed that he always wanted to be getting pet, would sit in your lap for hours on end, and loved getting affection. Percy was only about 6 months old, but the foster mom said his energy level wasn't too much. I've never had a proper kitten, the oldest I've ever adopted was about 1.5 years, but what mattered most to me was having some kind of affection as I need it now more than ever.
I brought Percy home and he is nothing like what I was told. He hates being pet and almost always walks away, gets visibly annoyed, or will just flat out bite. He's bitten my face multiple times without warning, even drawn blood before. Most of the biting and all of the attacks seem to be based in play but no matter how much I try and play with him with his toys, he never gets tired enough to tolerate affection. On the very rare occasions he does let me pet him, it's for no more than a minute at absolute most. He has not sat on my lap once since I brought him home. He doesn't want to sleep in bed with me, he doesn't want to cuddle up with me, he doesn't want to get affection from me (I've watched all the Jackson Galaxy videos you could imagine on different "proper" ways to pet a cat, and it doesn't work -- Percy won't even headbutt my hands. I've been following all the advice I can find on discouraging biting but even if I can stop that, it's not like it's going to make him more affectionate).
I've always been so caring and loving and patient with my cats in the past. I had a 19 year old cat with kidney disease who needed daily medications and SubQ fluid administered, and I never felt even a little bit irritated -- not even when he would wake me up vomiting at 3 in the morning, making me clean it up in the middle of the night. I had a cat who was like a permanent kitten and would knock everything that wasn't bolted down onto the floor, breaking everything, but it was just cute and charming, and it was easy to adjust so that I kept all breakables locked away. With Percy though, I look at this little kitten who doesn't know he's doing anything wrong, despite all the training I've tried, and it takes everything in me to not spray him with water or scream at him and just give up on him. I hate feeling like this. I get zero affection from him to make up for it. I can't count the amount of times I've gone onto the shelter websites, read descriptions of other cats who are supposed to be "affectionate", and broken down crying because I wish I'd never adopted Percy.
I don't want to have 2 cats as my apartment is too small and I can barely handle Percy on his own, much less him plus another cat. I'm just so tired and I don't want to rehome him because I'd feel like such a failure, but I absolutely hate the cat owner I've become with him. I've broken down crying at least once a week from this. I can normally tolerate the "mischievous" behaviour from a cat because we build a bond through the cuddles and affection, but I don't get that from him and I'm at my wits end and have no idea what else I can do.
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from Pets https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/m8zqvl/i_want_to_like_my_cat_but_i_just_dont/
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